Proceed with Caution

I learned in a college linguistics class that the number of words a language has shows you how important that thing is in the culture. So, for example, a country with a ton of words for "rain" would probably have a lot of rain. Now think about how many words and phrases we have in English for sex. Sex is important, and not just culturally. One of my pastors once pointed out that sex is for getting intimate with someone, or getting close to another person. It's also the only way you can reproduce. Considering how important it is, it's not at all surprising that Satan has come up with all kinds of perversions and lies relating to sex, including the lie that it's evil. The Bible has something completely different to say.

It came to me the other day that as much as I love my family, the only thing that really sets our relationships apart from the ones I have with other people is that we share the same blood. I happened to be born to my family, so now I'm loyal to them as opposed to any other random family. The Bible actually commands me to consider my family different just because they're my family. Matthew 15:4-9 makes it clear that God's law is that we honor our parents, or in other words, give a special respect to the people who raised us. Ezekiel 44:25 gives priests permission to put aside the rules regarding staying away from dead people for the sake of their parents and siblings. Christians often call each other brothers and sisters to remind themselves and each other that they're supposed to share a close, forgiving, committed love. Families are a big deal in the Bible. Families are punished together or forgiven together. What could be more important?

While both friends and neighbors are important in the Bible, I don't see any verses showing that either takes the place of family. The Bible never says to honor your friends or neighbors so you can live a long life. The Bible does say to love your neighbor, but "your neighbor" means basically everybody. It's not a special, person-specific role in your life. There is only one relationship in the Bible that takes precedence over family, and that's the relationship between a man and a wife. Read Mark 10:1-12. What I get out of that passage is that it's okay for you to leave your family to start a family with your spouse. Your relationship with your spouse, unlike the relationship you have with your family, is so intimate that you are actually one with that person. Unlike your relationship with your parents and siblings, there is no relationship you can seek that would make it okay for you to leave your spouse.

To recap: relationship with spouse > familial relationship > relationships with friends and neighbors. So... what's the difference? Why is a husband or wife a bigger deal than friends or family? Track with me here. Family, friends, neighbors... they're tied to you with blood, years of history, proximity, and interests. The only thing that ties you and a spouse together that you don't have with any of the other relationships is sex. That's it! That's what makes you one with that person, that's why you aren't supposed to leave him or her, and that's why you have to be so careful with how you approach relationships. When you have sex, you become one with that person. If someone is committed to becoming one with you, making you an extension of him/her for-EV-er, he or she had best be willing to promise that to you in front of all the people you both care about and who care about each of you. If he or she won't promise in front of people who will help make sure he/she lives up to it to take all of you (body, personality, hopes, dreams, issues...) and cherish all of you before taking your body, why in the world would you even consider taking on that person as a part of you? That's a person you cannot trust.

What I Wouldn't Give

I'm exhausted. Really, really exhausted. I have to drag myself through every day. I don't do a whole lot beyond my job, but I still find myself feeling overwhelmed and completely depleted, like a piece of land that's been over-mined and over-farmed, and now pretty much just sits there, good for nothing but to "grow" rocks. I feel like all the goodness has been sucked out of me. I am a popsicle with no juice. I look around me at my co-workers, my students, my friends, and my church leaders and I try hard to avoid any one-on-one encounters. I'm ashamed. Any one of them could berate me for my failures, and whether they choose to or not, I don't want to chance it. I don't know how to be better; I'm already stretched too thin, and there's nothing I'm doing that I'm willing to give up.

Feeling as I do, it's easy to imagine a future in which I have free time. I dream of spending time with friends, investing in people, working out, and grocery shopping on a more regular basis. I think about how incredible it would be to have one extra day a week, just ONE! so I could catch up on my life. I'd give ANYTHING!

Wait. Wait, that sounds familiar and dangerous to me... oh, yes. The story of Rumplestiltskin. The story of Esau and Jacob. While one is just a fairy tale and the other is actual history, both have this in common. Someone got desperate for a quick fix to a current issue and both gave away their future. Interestingly, the fairy tale ends well. The true story? Well, Esau never gets his birthright back.

I'm tired, yes. But I'm where I need to be. If I choose now to trade away my destiny and my potential for a little rest, my future will be bleak, and I won't be able to change it. No, I'll learn from example and keep trucking.

Who do you think you are?

In Genesis, Adam and Eve hide from God because they are ashamed of their nakedness. From the time I was little, I've heard that passage read and read it myself over and over and it never occurred to me to take it personally. I wear clothes. So I'm good.

God brought it to my attention recently that there's a more symbolic take on the Genesis passage. One part of me was simultaneously delighted and horrified-- delighted at the subtle symbolism and horrified that I'd missed it for so many years. Naked just means without something. Without clothes, in this case. But I think we're all naked in one way or another. What do you lack? For me, it's often a healthy sense of self-worth. Now, however we're naked in the presence of God, whatever we feel we're lacking, our first instinct is to hide. To try to cover up. Adam and Eve must have looked so ridiculous when they did that! The kiddie Bibles all show them wearing these well-tailored leaf outfits that could probably win a prize on one of those weird design shows where they design outfits out of produce or garbage bags. In reality, there's no way they would have provided for themselves so well.

God's response to Adam and Eve's fashion faux pas is very telling. He asks them, "who told you that you were naked?" Oh, man. Time to fess up. We uh... we've been listening and following another influence that you specifically warned us NOT to listen to, and now we're miserable and we feel less than... naked... so we hid from you.

Wow. Where do I even start? First of all, this should sound super familiar. God told us to be in the world not of the world, but we listen all the time to the blatant lies and the distorted truth that the world wants us to hear. Then we hide from God. From GOD! The only one who can tell us the truth about ourselves! We listen to lies and cut ourselves off from the truth. When we finally do allow God to speak, he tells us exactly what we should have known all along. "Who told you that you were naked?" In otherwords, "who said that? Because it sure wasn't me!" God knew the whole time that Adam and Eve weren't wearing any clothes. It was kind of obvious. But Adam and Eve never felt less than, and God never saw them as less than. Suddenly they listen to a liar and they feel naked. Keep in mind that they weren't wearing clothes even before this whole snake talking thing. What changed wasn't their wardrobe. It was their hearts.

You and I are deficient in some ways. Don't be offended. The Bible (and common knowledge!) makes it clear that we are flawed. We're missing some things. We're naked. But God knows all of that and is not upset! You know it's not God's voice speaking when you hear a laundry list of your sins and you walk away feeling inferior. Whatever makes you want to hide, that's not God! God calls you to his presence even in your imperfection, your nakedness. You don't need to be anyone other than yourself. God provided for Adam and Eve's nakedness when they needed him to. Until that point, they were plenty warm in the garden of Eden and had no need for clothes! If there's an area of your life that makes you feel naked, remember that God hasn't called you that and that he will take care of your needs.

Wake up!

I really hate being honked at. Being honked at makes me feel so... judged. Like someone somewhere bottled up some hatred, stuck it into a steering wheel, and suddenly released a little in my direction with a loud, irritating noise. I've often wished for a different system. Like shooting a suction arrow with a message. Or maybe we could have several different car horns: one to say hello, one to gently encourage another driver to pay attention, one to quickly warn someone of danger. This one-honk deal sounds so angry to me. I know that honking is important for communicating with other drivers. I just don't like it.

God honked at me the other day. I was living my life with all its ups and downs. I was on a downslide, but so what? We all go through it. We just need to accept the fact that life is sometimes awful; keep trucking through and it'll get better eventually. Probably. If it doesn't, you just have to try to put on your happy face anyway and do your best to... HOOOONK!

WHAT!?

Suddenly I was alert. God? God had gotten my attention in a way that jolted me, startled me, woke me up, and (to be perfectly honest) both irritated and hurt me. What was that for? Despite all that God said to me about dreaming bigger and living for him, I had once again fallen into a pattern of mediocre living and negative thinking. I was cruising through life 10 miles/hour below the speed limit, living below my potential, and not noticing or caring. I was upset by God's way of reminding me who I am. I couldn't figure out what to do with myself, but I thought that it might be a good idea to worship. I played and sang through several songs and realized that God really had no other option. He could have just let my attitude go, but it would have been dangerous, and he loves me! He had to let me know that I couldn't go on like I had been. I'd been falling behind on worship, prayer, and reading the Bible. Talk about a bad combination! I've really stepped it up recently, and I feel so peaceful and content. I hate that it took pain to get me back on track, but I'm grateful for where I am now.

Forgiven. And FREE!

Sometimes the most important things are put as number one on my 'Later List.' I know you know what I mean. I need to grade papers. I need to spend time with the Lord. I need to fix my fridge. I need to do laundry. I get myself so stressed out just thinking about all I have to do that I don't do any of it. In reality, if I'd just put first things first Matthew 6:33-style, I'd be just fine. I'd chill out and be in the right place to get done all I need to. Instead, I push my relationship with the Lord on the back-burner and wonder why nothing is going right.

I was beating myself up about my failures this evening. I just felt down and KNEW it was my fault. I've not been spending time worshipping, praying, reading the Bible, listening to the only one who can actually fix things for me. God reminded me of a lesson I learned years ago, when I was working at a day care. When he brings sin to my attention, what he wants is obedience. He doesn't want me to sit there and wallow in my sin. My getting all upset about what a terrible person I am is not the reaction God's looking for. He doesn't draw things to my attention to rub my face in my sin. He wants the best for me, and he wants me to stop getting in my own way! It's how I felt when I disciplined the kids I worked with.

Despite the reminder, I was still really frustrated. I asked God how many times we'd have to go through the same thing. I felt like it was unfair that God had to deal with me and my failures so many times. He brought to mind Jesus' instruction that we should all forgive one another 70 times 7. In other words, we need to forgive one another as often as the other person needs us to. If that's what God expects of us, mere humans, how much more will he forgive me! He already paid the price for every one of my sins. And it's not as if he didn't know how often I'd sin. Unlike the foolish builder in the Bible, God counted the cost before he invested in my life. He knew exactly what it would take to make the plans he has for me happen in my life, but he planned out great things for me, even knowing every step (and misstep) of my life.

Walk In the Light

At this point in the year, it's dark when I get ready to leave for work. I go out every morning in the pitch-black to hook my dog up to his lead. As I head back to the house to grab my stuff and go, there's a part of the path that is in the dark. I know that there's not too much space between where the light shines from the kitchen window and where the porch light hits, and I know the path pretty well at this point, so I carefully pick my way along. The thing is that the porch light is motion-activated, so I have to keep moving if I want the light to come on.

It occurred to me that it's much like that with Jesus. There are moments when I can't really see where I'm going and I have to trust that God is with me, and I have to keep moving. It's reassuring to know that God's word is a lamp for my feet and that God is always with me, so I never have to walk alone in the darkness.

Take it all!

I'm a perfectionist. I'm (slowly) learning how to deal with the fact that I'll never actually be perfect, but it's often a challenge for me to see myself not living up to what I think I should be doing. For example, the other day I was playing the keys for my church's on-campus service. I found out sometime during the second song that I had the keyboard set to the wrong setting, which basically meant that the sound was completely messed up. When I finally realized what was going on, I immediately switched it to the right setting, which turned out to be much louder than what it had been on. Argh!

As frustrated as I was with myself for what seemed to me to be a complete fail, I realized something. God's goodness transcends anything I could ever do. My friends and anyone else in the group that night could still worship the Lord despite my mistakes. After a little while, God revealed to me that I could worship him too, even for my mistakes!

John 13:1-10 talks about how Jesus washed his disciples feet. Peter wanted nothing to do with it; all he knew was that his God was about to wash his dirty, smelly feet! But Jesus told Peter that if he didn't let Jesus wash his feet, he would "have no part" with Jesus. At that, Peter told Jesus that Jesus should wash his hands and head too! Jesus responded that the only part of Peter that was dirty was his feet, that nothing else needed cleaning.

The parts of me that are dirty in my eyes... every thing I've ever thought didn't measure up... Jesus wants to take charge of them. It's so easy for me to hold back and say, "no! You're too holy, don't come near my filth!" But Jesus tells me that I can "have no part" of him until I'm willing to give him everything. Jesus wants my best, yes. He also wants my worst. He wants the things that make me ashamed. He wants the things I can't seem to get right. And you know, it's humiliating to come before my Lord, my king, my love, and present him with my not-good-enoughs. But humility before my God is not a bad thing! When Peter realized that his dirt was a reason for receiving the touch of Christ, he tried to come up with more things that Jesus could clean. My sin and all my failures are reasons for Christ to come touch me, touch my life. No, I'm not going to go out and add dirt to my life to make sure that Jesus keeps on working with me. That would be foolishness! I have plenty of stuff for him to deal with, and I daily add to it without any kind of extra effort on my part. But I can now rejoice in the fact that I'll never quite measure up to perfection, because means that Christ will always be with me, dealing with me. I can sincerely praise him for that.