“The road to Hell is paved with good intentions,” claims an old adage. I have recently come to the conclusion that this is very true. I have people in my life, as I’m sure most of us do, who “just want to help!” (If you’ve ever let a little kid “help” with anything around the house, you’ll know what I mean when I say that some help is actually super unhelpful!) These “helpful” people desperately want to give advice or take over a situation no matter how little the recipient wants that. They might say unkind things or treat you in unkind ways “for your own good.” These people long to help, and I really do think that they mean well, but even when confronted about their behavior and the unintended consequences of it (often the hurt that it’s caused), these busy helpers refuse to believe that their actions did any real harm, sometimes excusing themselves with, “it’s the thought that counts,” or even becoming offended and reassuring themselves that despite the utter ingratitude they’ve experienced, they did their duty by trying (all the while thinking to themselves that if those silly people had just gotten out of their own way, their sage advice would have saved the day in the end).
The problem of the unhelpful helper is prevalent in the Bible. In a previous blog I mentioned Eve, who I believe thought she could help God out by eating the forbidden fruit. There are several other great examples of people who had a misplaced desire to help. King Saul thought that he would help Samuel, who was running a little late. Samuel was supposed to show up on a certain day to help Saul ask God’s blessing over a war the Israelites were losing. When Samuel wasn’t on time, the troops started deserting. Saul went ahead and made the burnt offering, feeling that someone had to ask God’s blessing, and since Samuel wasn’t there, he should step up and do it (1 Samuel 13). That doesn’t sound like a bad motivation, does it? “Someone has to do it, so I guess I may as well…” Isn’t that what David did when he stepped up to Goliath?
Speaking of David, in 2 Samuel 6, King David had decided to bring the ark of the Lord to Jerusalem with 30,000 of his men. On the way, the cart carrying the ark jolted because one of the oxen driving it stumbled. Maybe it hit a pothole or something. Uzzah pulled a mom-in-the-car and reached out to protect the ark from possibly falling out. Now, everyone back then knew that you never, EVER touched the ark except on its poles. In that moment, though, Uzzah felt as if God needed his protection. And he died.
There are other examples of people trying (and failing) to help in the Bible, but the examples of Saul and Uzzah are a great starting place. Saul’s big issue was that he didn’t trust God. Like David, Saul saw a need and filled it. Unlike David, who killed Goliath out of love for God and faith in Him, Saul took Samuel’s place at the altar out of fear. I don’t know if he even really believed that God would save the day or if he just thought that going through the motions of sacrificing to God would calm his troops’ fears. I do know that the Lord looks on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7), so even though outwardly David and Saul seemed to be doing basically the same thing, something must have been lacking in Saul’s motivation. As for Uzzah, he disobeyed God. End of story. As annoying as this expression is, we need to obey God because He said so. We don’t always have to know why. Uzzah didn’t get that, and it cost him his life. All the good intentions in the world can’t change disobedience into anything but sin.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Fret not
I was driving my car the other morning on a rainy, stormy morning. My car already pulls to the driver’s side, and in the wind, I felt like I was constantly fighting the car to stay in my lane. It wasn’t a big deal until I went to pass a truck. The extra pull from the semi made it necessary to grip the wheel even tighter, and my arms were already tired. Being me, I passed the truck and decided to see what would happen if I relaxed my arms a little. How fast would the car veer off track? I was curious, and surprised when I realized that relaxing my arms made almost no difference in the car’s ability to stay on track. It turns out that I was over-compensating for the perceived danger of running off the road. Yes, the wind was still blowing, and I needed to be aware and correct as the wind came up, but gripping the wheel so tightly all the time wasn’t actually doing me any good. I was so intent on preparing for the wind that, when it did come, it was harder to deal with since I was already tired. I was wasting my energy on the danger I saw coming, thereby losing the energy necessary to deal with the danger itself.
I once saw a poster that said, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” The thing about a poster like that is that it doesn’t really convey what worry actually does. It’s not like worry is a harmless past-time, a waste of time but no worse than computer solitaire or staring out the window. Worry is a waste of time, but it’s far from harmless. It turns out that stress has harmful effects on the body (who knew?) including affecting your brain itself. Bear with me on this, because regardless of gender and age, this really does illustrate what worry does. During menopause (seriously, stay with me!), a woman’s hormones get way out of whack, and the body uses the adrenal glands (the endocrine system) as a back-up for the body’s hormonal production. If a woman has been stressed out a lot before she goes into menopause, the already over-taxed adrenal glands are further weakened, leaving the woman with much more severe symptoms of menopause. Worry and stress can also lead to high blood pressure and heart attacks, we all know that. In addition, it makes us miserable and weakens our ability to deal with what is stressing us out, so instead of being able to work through our issues, we end up too stressed out to remove the stress!
God, unlike me, never says anything unimportant. He never just babbles. The Bible, then, should be considered a source of what’s important, not a bunch of somewhat entertaining trivialities. When the Bible says, “Don’t worry!” (Matthew 6:25-34; Philippians 4:6), it’s not meant to be a cute little suggestion, like “Don’t wear pink and red at the same time,” or “No white shoes after Labor Day.” No, what’s at stake here is life, joy, and peace. And to be honest, your testimony to the world! If you don’t actually believe that God’s got it under control, why would the world want what you have?
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Ignore your neighbor's grass
As I'm recently engaged, I feel that I've been given the license to start planning in earnest for my future. To that end, my fiance and I have decided to have three kids. Obviously, we know we can't say for sure if that's the final number, but that's where we are right now. We were talking a while back about names and preferred genders (2 boys and 1 girl, please) and what we hope they'll be like. I hope I have a little boy who's just like his daddy, while he wants a little me running around. At the end of the day, though, we both know we can't control how they'll look or even, in many ways, what their personalities will be like. My fiance expressed his concern that we'll have a child he won't love as much as the others. I've heard other people say basically the same thing, but in a different way. "We're having our second baby... can I really love this one as much as our first?" So I thought about it, and told my fiance that he'll love all of his kids equally; he'll just relate to them differently. I used as an example the way he loves me. I'm really all kinds of different people, and he loves them all. He loves the sleepy me, and how silly and cuddly I get. He loves the crazy me, who wants to go outside and skip down the street and spin around for no good reason. He loves the serious me, the way I sometimes get really intense about issues. He loves all the parts of me, but he has to relate differently to each part of me. If I'm sleepy, that's not a good time to enter a serious discussion. If I'm being crazy, I wouldn't want him to try to hold me close on the couch.
It occurs to me that God does this for us, his children. God gives us exactly what we need when we need it, but I think that sometimes we get mad or jealous when he relates differently to different people. "Goood, but I wanted that!" we say with a childish whine. It reminds me of my students. Some of my students have IEPs that legally require me to do certain things for them, like give them extra time on their homework or classwork. Other students get mad because they don't get extra time too, but they don't need it! I am not allowed to say, "Well, so-and-so has a learning disability and therefore is allowed extra time." Instead, I just gently remind them to focus on themselves. In much the same way, imagine being a parent of a child with a peanut allergy. No matter how much the child begs for a sandwich just like her friends', no loving parent would EVER serve that child peanut butter and jelly, no matter how much she argues that the turkey sandwich is proof that you don't love her! If we would pay more attention to the kindness and consideration that God gives us as individuals than we do to what we think we're missing out on, we'd be much happier.
It occurs to me that God does this for us, his children. God gives us exactly what we need when we need it, but I think that sometimes we get mad or jealous when he relates differently to different people. "Goood, but I wanted that!" we say with a childish whine. It reminds me of my students. Some of my students have IEPs that legally require me to do certain things for them, like give them extra time on their homework or classwork. Other students get mad because they don't get extra time too, but they don't need it! I am not allowed to say, "Well, so-and-so has a learning disability and therefore is allowed extra time." Instead, I just gently remind them to focus on themselves. In much the same way, imagine being a parent of a child with a peanut allergy. No matter how much the child begs for a sandwich just like her friends', no loving parent would EVER serve that child peanut butter and jelly, no matter how much she argues that the turkey sandwich is proof that you don't love her! If we would pay more attention to the kindness and consideration that God gives us as individuals than we do to what we think we're missing out on, we'd be much happier.
Friday, October 5, 2012
However you say it
I hate having a cold. I'm sniffly and sneezy and stuffy and drippy (how does that work?!) and my head feels heavy and my body feels light, like I'm moving in outer space, and I'm so tired of coughing. I think one of the worst things about having a cold, though, is having to tell people what's wrong. "I have a cold," I say, as pathetically as I can. I feel awful, but the inevitable reaction is, "Oh, I'm sorry," in a slightly sympathetic (but mostly dismissive) tone. A cold. A common cold. A COMMON cold!!! Like my misery can be truly wrapped up into that one word. A cold. As in, "I'm cold." "Oh, what a diss! That was cold!" "It's just a cold." Sigh. I want a disease that sounds impressive, that somehow conveys how awful I feel. So when someone asks me what's wrong, I can say ______ and get a reaction that is more equal to the misery I'm somehow making it through.
What things are called really does matter. Can you imagine the viscious villian of your favorite story being called something silly? Harry Potter versus Bob! Mufasa is killed by Pumpkin! You just can't have that. Darth Vader... who doesn't hear that name and sense the dark side?
In much the same way, what you call God matters. God has many names and attributes in the Bible-- Messiah, Prince of Peace, Faithful, Provider, God of Abraham, Just... God wants to be the God of YOUR situation. He doesn't want to be some far-off God; he wants to be up close and personal. Think about it like this: I relate to different people in different ways. I have co-workers, and I talk to them at and about work. The co-workers who also fit into the category of 'friend,' I also call to chit-chat sometimes. The man who is my fiance, best friend, friend, and brother in Christ fits into more spots in my life. God wants to be involved in every part of my life. When I'm sad, he's Comforter. When I'm happy, he's Joy. When I need help, he's Counselor. God is always there, and most importantly, he's always Love.
What things are called really does matter. Can you imagine the viscious villian of your favorite story being called something silly? Harry Potter versus Bob! Mufasa is killed by Pumpkin! You just can't have that. Darth Vader... who doesn't hear that name and sense the dark side?
In much the same way, what you call God matters. God has many names and attributes in the Bible-- Messiah, Prince of Peace, Faithful, Provider, God of Abraham, Just... God wants to be the God of YOUR situation. He doesn't want to be some far-off God; he wants to be up close and personal. Think about it like this: I relate to different people in different ways. I have co-workers, and I talk to them at and about work. The co-workers who also fit into the category of 'friend,' I also call to chit-chat sometimes. The man who is my fiance, best friend, friend, and brother in Christ fits into more spots in my life. God wants to be involved in every part of my life. When I'm sad, he's Comforter. When I'm happy, he's Joy. When I need help, he's Counselor. God is always there, and most importantly, he's always Love.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Peek-a-boo!
Psychology is a fascinating subject. I distinctly remember trying to nail down my second major and realizing that it had to be psychology when I almost literally started drooling over the list of classes I could take if I majored in psych. Man! The human mind is unbelievably complex, and people spend forever trying to figure it out. Guys want to understand girls (and vice versa), parents want to understand kids... we all want to understand each other, and we want to understand ourselves. Think about all those personality tests people take to try and get a glimpse at their own psyche. Anyway. Tangent. Specifically, I was just thinking about the psychological phenomenon called object permanence. Piaget said that infants begin to understand object permanence around 8 months old. In other words, from birth to about 8 months, babies don't just think "out of sight, out of mind," they really believe that out of sight means out of existance. Feel free to try this at home! Borrow a baby, and take his/her favorite toy. Get the baby all excited about the toy, then cover it with a blanket. If the baby has established object permanence, he or she will try to reach for the toy. If not, then the baby will not reach for the toy, because to the baby, the toy is no longer there.
I was playing with my boyfriend's 17 month old neice this evening. We were playing peek-a-boo with a blanket. I'd cover her up, ask loudly where she was, then respond with a smile and "boo" when she, grinning, pulled the blanket off her head. There was one special moment when I, instead of pulling the blanket off, stuck my head under the blanket with her. We looked at each other and it was as if no one else was around; we were in our own little world. Now, we both knew that there were others in the room. She and I had been playing this game for a while, and she would often wait under the blanket for an opportune moment, then pull the blanket off and say "boo" to me or my boyfriend or her parents. She knew we were still there even though she couldn't see us, and she wanted our attention. But somehow, under the blanket, she and I could pretend that we were special and hidden from everyone else.
As shown by the peek-a-boo game, my boyfriend's neice has developed object permanence. According to more recent studies than Piaget's, she may well have understood object permanence at around 3 months old! Three months old, and she already understood that just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it's not there. She can choose to ignore what's there, as she did with me under the blanket, but she never forgot the truth that she and I were not really the only ones in the room. It's so strange to me how we as adults can forget the basic truth that we learned at 3 months old. We sometimes convince ourselves that because we don't feel God's presence or see his hand working in our lives, he's not there. God never leaves us (Matt. 28:20) or forsakes us (Deut. 31:8) whether or not we see him. He is an unseen God (Matt. 6:6)!
I was playing with my boyfriend's 17 month old neice this evening. We were playing peek-a-boo with a blanket. I'd cover her up, ask loudly where she was, then respond with a smile and "boo" when she, grinning, pulled the blanket off her head. There was one special moment when I, instead of pulling the blanket off, stuck my head under the blanket with her. We looked at each other and it was as if no one else was around; we were in our own little world. Now, we both knew that there were others in the room. She and I had been playing this game for a while, and she would often wait under the blanket for an opportune moment, then pull the blanket off and say "boo" to me or my boyfriend or her parents. She knew we were still there even though she couldn't see us, and she wanted our attention. But somehow, under the blanket, she and I could pretend that we were special and hidden from everyone else.
As shown by the peek-a-boo game, my boyfriend's neice has developed object permanence. According to more recent studies than Piaget's, she may well have understood object permanence at around 3 months old! Three months old, and she already understood that just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it's not there. She can choose to ignore what's there, as she did with me under the blanket, but she never forgot the truth that she and I were not really the only ones in the room. It's so strange to me how we as adults can forget the basic truth that we learned at 3 months old. We sometimes convince ourselves that because we don't feel God's presence or see his hand working in our lives, he's not there. God never leaves us (Matt. 28:20) or forsakes us (Deut. 31:8) whether or not we see him. He is an unseen God (Matt. 6:6)!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Temptation
I can't tell you how many times I've read the story about Jesus' temptation in the desert (Matt. 4:1-11), but something that a leader in my church said today really changed my whole perspective on it. The leader was talking about her struggle against pride and insecurities and how we need to rid ourselves of the need to prove ourselves to others. She mentioned briefly that Jesus was tempted by that same desire when he was in the desert and Satan told him to throw himself down. I thought more about it later and was struck by the universality of his temptations. I used to think that Jesus was tempted in a fairly situation-specific way. I mean, seriously, Satan couldn't really get to me by telling me to turn rocks into food, so no problem! I didn't really think that part of it applied to me. As I re-thought about the three temptations of Jesus, I was amazed at how often I am actually tempted by the same things.
Temptation 1- "...tell these stones to become bread." I feel like this is the temptation to take care of yourself, to look out for number one. I feel like Americans are especially tempted by this one. We have such a "pull yourself up by your boostraps" mentality, and (whether we actually say it or not) look down on the people who haven't done that. Oh, you don't have enough money for _____? Well, get it together! Work harder! Get another job! We have a hard time recognizing God's place in providing for us. While I would NEVER argue that we should just sit around twiddling our thumbs, staring up at the sky with open mouths, waiting for manna from Heaven to fall straight into them, I also don't think we give God enough credit. I think we view our responsibilities as humans as an Olympic torch. We go til we can't, then pass the torch on to God. No! Instead, I think we need to recognize that God comes alongside us and works with us as we do well and fail and just go through life. We don't need to do it all by ourselves.
Temptation 2: "...throw yourself down." Jesus was fully human as well as fully God. That said, I think he probably wanted, at least once in a while, to have his closeness with God reaffirmed. I know it's a big deal to me when God speaks to me through a song, or Bible verse, or what someone else says or whatever else. I need to remember that he loves me. Jesus fought the temptation to have God prove his love for him in front of Satan.
Temptation 3: "All this I will give you... if you will bow down and worship me." This final temptation may well have been the sneakiest, the one we often don't even know we're struggling with til we look back on it. Jesus was tempted to go after a good thing with less than godly methods. Disobedience to God is never, ever okay, even when it looks like it will earn something God wants for us. Jesus had a God-given desire to save the world. Satan offered it to him, but with a condition. Worship him, not God. I feel like Eve went through the same thing. She was told that she would "be like God" if she ate the fruit. Even though God had told her not to do it, she may well have said to herself, "I love God, and I want more than anything to be like him. I know he said not to... but maybe he doesn't want me to have that burden. I love him enough to do it anyway!" This mindset, this rationalizing of sin, is dangerous and unfortunately really common. I know God said ____, but I think he meant for me to ____, which I can do even more efficiently by _____. This temptation is at its foundation a subtle version of pride. You may know God's will and really want to do it. You just think that you know the best way to get that accomplished. No one ever said that Satan was dumb.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Cor. 10:12-13)
"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Eph. 6:13)
"Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7b)
Temptation 1- "...tell these stones to become bread." I feel like this is the temptation to take care of yourself, to look out for number one. I feel like Americans are especially tempted by this one. We have such a "pull yourself up by your boostraps" mentality, and (whether we actually say it or not) look down on the people who haven't done that. Oh, you don't have enough money for _____? Well, get it together! Work harder! Get another job! We have a hard time recognizing God's place in providing for us. While I would NEVER argue that we should just sit around twiddling our thumbs, staring up at the sky with open mouths, waiting for manna from Heaven to fall straight into them, I also don't think we give God enough credit. I think we view our responsibilities as humans as an Olympic torch. We go til we can't, then pass the torch on to God. No! Instead, I think we need to recognize that God comes alongside us and works with us as we do well and fail and just go through life. We don't need to do it all by ourselves.
Temptation 2: "...throw yourself down." Jesus was fully human as well as fully God. That said, I think he probably wanted, at least once in a while, to have his closeness with God reaffirmed. I know it's a big deal to me when God speaks to me through a song, or Bible verse, or what someone else says or whatever else. I need to remember that he loves me. Jesus fought the temptation to have God prove his love for him in front of Satan.
Temptation 3: "All this I will give you... if you will bow down and worship me." This final temptation may well have been the sneakiest, the one we often don't even know we're struggling with til we look back on it. Jesus was tempted to go after a good thing with less than godly methods. Disobedience to God is never, ever okay, even when it looks like it will earn something God wants for us. Jesus had a God-given desire to save the world. Satan offered it to him, but with a condition. Worship him, not God. I feel like Eve went through the same thing. She was told that she would "be like God" if she ate the fruit. Even though God had told her not to do it, she may well have said to herself, "I love God, and I want more than anything to be like him. I know he said not to... but maybe he doesn't want me to have that burden. I love him enough to do it anyway!" This mindset, this rationalizing of sin, is dangerous and unfortunately really common. I know God said ____, but I think he meant for me to ____, which I can do even more efficiently by _____. This temptation is at its foundation a subtle version of pride. You may know God's will and really want to do it. You just think that you know the best way to get that accomplished. No one ever said that Satan was dumb.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Cor. 10:12-13)
"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Eph. 6:13)
"Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7b)
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Focus!
Teaching is hard. Can I just say that for a second? Teaching is incredibly difficult. It's not any one thing that I can point to that makes it hard; there are a ton of little (and big) things that make it challenging, and the fact that teachers have to overcome the same challenges for 180(ish) days per year makes it exponentially harder.
One of the problems teachers have is a general lack of focus. Imagine it. You're looking out at roughly 30 young people. At any given moment, maybe 2 have their heads down. About 5 or 6 are doodling. Eight kids are looking right at you, but 3 of them seem to be staring past your head. One has his hand up, probably wanting to go to the bathroom. Several of the girls are glancing at each other out of the corner of their eyes and giggling or fighting smiles, assuming I don't see them. Two of my boys are trying to get comfortable in their seats, squirming or leaning their chairs back on two legs, despite my daily telling them to stop. One is sharpening a pencil, while one returns from having gotten a drink of water. The rest all go back and forth between looking at me, looking around, scribbling on their papers (is that math homework I see?) and whispering to a friend. How many of these kids are being quiet? Most of them. How many are looking at me? More important, how many are really hearing me?
The thing is, focus isn't something you see as much as something you feel. With my kids, I know that the doodler in the corner might be listening, while the one looking right at me is actually focused with every ounce of her being on the cute boy right behind her. I'm not nearly as concerned with what the child is doing as with what he/she is focusing on. I really believe that God is the same way. I don't think he needs us to pray 24/7 or worship 10 hours a day or read a book of the Bible each evening. I think that God just wants our focus no matter what we're doing.
One of the problems teachers have is a general lack of focus. Imagine it. You're looking out at roughly 30 young people. At any given moment, maybe 2 have their heads down. About 5 or 6 are doodling. Eight kids are looking right at you, but 3 of them seem to be staring past your head. One has his hand up, probably wanting to go to the bathroom. Several of the girls are glancing at each other out of the corner of their eyes and giggling or fighting smiles, assuming I don't see them. Two of my boys are trying to get comfortable in their seats, squirming or leaning their chairs back on two legs, despite my daily telling them to stop. One is sharpening a pencil, while one returns from having gotten a drink of water. The rest all go back and forth between looking at me, looking around, scribbling on their papers (is that math homework I see?) and whispering to a friend. How many of these kids are being quiet? Most of them. How many are looking at me? More important, how many are really hearing me?
The thing is, focus isn't something you see as much as something you feel. With my kids, I know that the doodler in the corner might be listening, while the one looking right at me is actually focused with every ounce of her being on the cute boy right behind her. I'm not nearly as concerned with what the child is doing as with what he/she is focusing on. I really believe that God is the same way. I don't think he needs us to pray 24/7 or worship 10 hours a day or read a book of the Bible each evening. I think that God just wants our focus no matter what we're doing.
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