Rules

As I'm planning for the new school year, I'm thinking back to last year and trying to take what I've learned to come up with some class rules. I'm in the process of hammering out in explicit detail exactly what I expect, what I will not tolerate, and what the consequences will be for misbehavior. I know I have to be super specific and super strict the first few weeks at least, and more than likely, I'll have to continue that for the whole first semester.

I'm not a mean person. I'm usually fairly easy going, and I can be talked into all kinds of shenanigans because I love to have a good time! In fact, I've been a popular babysitter over the years because I have a strict 'say yes until you have to say no' policy. Can we blow bubbles in the kitchen? Sure! Can we build a fort using every blanket in the house? Absolutely. If it won't hurt the kids and they're willing to help me clean up whatever mess they make, I will pretty much always say yes. After hearing yes so often, the kids seem to understand that no means NO. They sometimes push me on it, but after a couple of times, they get that I only say no if I really have to and if I really mean it.

Sadly, the 'yes' policy is completely ineffective while teaching. If you say yes to the kids one time, they assume they can do that thing again, and then they'll try to push farther. Eventually, they're completely out of control, and it's impossible to teach them anything, including the important life lessons of work ethic and respect for authority. The best bet when teaching is to say no until you come to a really easy request once in a blue moon and then, after a great deal of "thought," reluctantly agree. With conditions.

I remember having a similar problem with my dog, Jake. He loved to run and play outside and I loved being able to let him! But I could only let him run in a fenced-in yard. There are lots of places I could have taken Jake to run- a nearby river, college campus, woods, jogging trails... but I couldn't take Jake anywhere without a leash. He'd always run off. It was so frustrating! If Jake could have just run around and then come back, he'd have had so much more of an opportunity to run. Instead, he was denied what he wanted, because he couldn't control himself even a little bit.

I really do want the best for my students, and I really did want the best for my dog. Unfortunately, I couldn't give them the freedom they desired, not because I was mean and controlling, but because they got in their own way. When you feel hemmed in by God, remember that he's in the same position. He wants the best for you, and he won't let anything get in the way... even you!

Proceed with Caution

I learned in a college linguistics class that the number of words a language has shows you how important that thing is in the culture. So, for example, a country with a ton of words for "rain" would probably have a lot of rain. Now think about how many words and phrases we have in English for sex. Sex is important, and not just culturally. One of my pastors once pointed out that sex is for getting intimate with someone, or getting close to another person. It's also the only way you can reproduce. Considering how important it is, it's not at all surprising that Satan has come up with all kinds of perversions and lies relating to sex, including the lie that it's evil. The Bible has something completely different to say.

It came to me the other day that as much as I love my family, the only thing that really sets our relationships apart from the ones I have with other people is that we share the same blood. I happened to be born to my family, so now I'm loyal to them as opposed to any other random family. The Bible actually commands me to consider my family different just because they're my family. Matthew 15:4-9 makes it clear that God's law is that we honor our parents, or in other words, give a special respect to the people who raised us. Ezekiel 44:25 gives priests permission to put aside the rules regarding staying away from dead people for the sake of their parents and siblings. Christians often call each other brothers and sisters to remind themselves and each other that they're supposed to share a close, forgiving, committed love. Families are a big deal in the Bible. Families are punished together or forgiven together. What could be more important?

While both friends and neighbors are important in the Bible, I don't see any verses showing that either takes the place of family. The Bible never says to honor your friends or neighbors so you can live a long life. The Bible does say to love your neighbor, but "your neighbor" means basically everybody. It's not a special, person-specific role in your life. There is only one relationship in the Bible that takes precedence over family, and that's the relationship between a man and a wife. Read Mark 10:1-12. What I get out of that passage is that it's okay for you to leave your family to start a family with your spouse. Your relationship with your spouse, unlike the relationship you have with your family, is so intimate that you are actually one with that person. Unlike your relationship with your parents and siblings, there is no relationship you can seek that would make it okay for you to leave your spouse.

To recap: relationship with spouse > familial relationship > relationships with friends and neighbors. So... what's the difference? Why is a husband or wife a bigger deal than friends or family? Track with me here. Family, friends, neighbors... they're tied to you with blood, years of history, proximity, and interests. The only thing that ties you and a spouse together that you don't have with any of the other relationships is sex. That's it! That's what makes you one with that person, that's why you aren't supposed to leave him or her, and that's why you have to be so careful with how you approach relationships. When you have sex, you become one with that person. If someone is committed to becoming one with you, making you an extension of him/her for-EV-er, he or she had best be willing to promise that to you in front of all the people you both care about and who care about each of you. If he or she won't promise in front of people who will help make sure he/she lives up to it to take all of you (body, personality, hopes, dreams, issues...) and cherish all of you before taking your body, why in the world would you even consider taking on that person as a part of you? That's a person you cannot trust.