I'm exhausted. Really, really exhausted. I have to drag myself through every day. I don't do a whole lot beyond my job, but I still find myself feeling overwhelmed and completely depleted, like a piece of land that's been over-mined and over-farmed, and now pretty much just sits there, good for nothing but to "grow" rocks. I feel like all the goodness has been sucked out of me. I am a popsicle with no juice. I look around me at my co-workers, my students, my friends, and my church leaders and I try hard to avoid any one-on-one encounters. I'm ashamed. Any one of them could berate me for my failures, and whether they choose to or not, I don't want to chance it. I don't know how to be better; I'm already stretched too thin, and there's nothing I'm doing that I'm willing to give up.
Feeling as I do, it's easy to imagine a future in which I have free time. I dream of spending time with friends, investing in people, working out, and grocery shopping on a more regular basis. I think about how incredible it would be to have one extra day a week, just ONE! so I could catch up on my life. I'd give ANYTHING!
Wait. Wait, that sounds familiar and dangerous to me... oh, yes. The story of Rumplestiltskin. The story of Esau and Jacob. While one is just a fairy tale and the other is actual history, both have this in common. Someone got desperate for a quick fix to a current issue and both gave away their future. Interestingly, the fairy tale ends well. The true story? Well, Esau never gets his birthright back.
I'm tired, yes. But I'm where I need to be. If I choose now to trade away my destiny and my potential for a little rest, my future will be bleak, and I won't be able to change it. No, I'll learn from example and keep trucking.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Who do you think you are?
In Genesis, Adam and Eve hide from God because they are ashamed of their nakedness. From the time I was little, I've heard that passage read and read it myself over and over and it never occurred to me to take it personally. I wear clothes. So I'm good.
God brought it to my attention recently that there's a more symbolic take on the Genesis passage. One part of me was simultaneously delighted and horrified-- delighted at the subtle symbolism and horrified that I'd missed it for so many years. Naked just means without something. Without clothes, in this case. But I think we're all naked in one way or another. What do you lack? For me, it's often a healthy sense of self-worth. Now, however we're naked in the presence of God, whatever we feel we're lacking, our first instinct is to hide. To try to cover up. Adam and Eve must have looked so ridiculous when they did that! The kiddie Bibles all show them wearing these well-tailored leaf outfits that could probably win a prize on one of those weird design shows where they design outfits out of produce or garbage bags. In reality, there's no way they would have provided for themselves so well.
God's response to Adam and Eve's fashion faux pas is very telling. He asks them, "who told you that you were naked?" Oh, man. Time to fess up. We uh... we've been listening and following another influence that you specifically warned us NOT to listen to, and now we're miserable and we feel less than... naked... so we hid from you.
Wow. Where do I even start? First of all, this should sound super familiar. God told us to be in the world not of the world, but we listen all the time to the blatant lies and the distorted truth that the world wants us to hear. Then we hide from God. From GOD! The only one who can tell us the truth about ourselves! We listen to lies and cut ourselves off from the truth. When we finally do allow God to speak, he tells us exactly what we should have known all along. "Who told you that you were naked?" In otherwords, "who said that? Because it sure wasn't me!" God knew the whole time that Adam and Eve weren't wearing any clothes. It was kind of obvious. But Adam and Eve never felt less than, and God never saw them as less than. Suddenly they listen to a liar and they feel naked. Keep in mind that they weren't wearing clothes even before this whole snake talking thing. What changed wasn't their wardrobe. It was their hearts.
You and I are deficient in some ways. Don't be offended. The Bible (and common knowledge!) makes it clear that we are flawed. We're missing some things. We're naked. But God knows all of that and is not upset! You know it's not God's voice speaking when you hear a laundry list of your sins and you walk away feeling inferior. Whatever makes you want to hide, that's not God! God calls you to his presence even in your imperfection, your nakedness. You don't need to be anyone other than yourself. God provided for Adam and Eve's nakedness when they needed him to. Until that point, they were plenty warm in the garden of Eden and had no need for clothes! If there's an area of your life that makes you feel naked, remember that God hasn't called you that and that he will take care of your needs.
God brought it to my attention recently that there's a more symbolic take on the Genesis passage. One part of me was simultaneously delighted and horrified-- delighted at the subtle symbolism and horrified that I'd missed it for so many years. Naked just means without something. Without clothes, in this case. But I think we're all naked in one way or another. What do you lack? For me, it's often a healthy sense of self-worth. Now, however we're naked in the presence of God, whatever we feel we're lacking, our first instinct is to hide. To try to cover up. Adam and Eve must have looked so ridiculous when they did that! The kiddie Bibles all show them wearing these well-tailored leaf outfits that could probably win a prize on one of those weird design shows where they design outfits out of produce or garbage bags. In reality, there's no way they would have provided for themselves so well.
God's response to Adam and Eve's fashion faux pas is very telling. He asks them, "who told you that you were naked?" Oh, man. Time to fess up. We uh... we've been listening and following another influence that you specifically warned us NOT to listen to, and now we're miserable and we feel less than... naked... so we hid from you.
Wow. Where do I even start? First of all, this should sound super familiar. God told us to be in the world not of the world, but we listen all the time to the blatant lies and the distorted truth that the world wants us to hear. Then we hide from God. From GOD! The only one who can tell us the truth about ourselves! We listen to lies and cut ourselves off from the truth. When we finally do allow God to speak, he tells us exactly what we should have known all along. "Who told you that you were naked?" In otherwords, "who said that? Because it sure wasn't me!" God knew the whole time that Adam and Eve weren't wearing any clothes. It was kind of obvious. But Adam and Eve never felt less than, and God never saw them as less than. Suddenly they listen to a liar and they feel naked. Keep in mind that they weren't wearing clothes even before this whole snake talking thing. What changed wasn't their wardrobe. It was their hearts.
You and I are deficient in some ways. Don't be offended. The Bible (and common knowledge!) makes it clear that we are flawed. We're missing some things. We're naked. But God knows all of that and is not upset! You know it's not God's voice speaking when you hear a laundry list of your sins and you walk away feeling inferior. Whatever makes you want to hide, that's not God! God calls you to his presence even in your imperfection, your nakedness. You don't need to be anyone other than yourself. God provided for Adam and Eve's nakedness when they needed him to. Until that point, they were plenty warm in the garden of Eden and had no need for clothes! If there's an area of your life that makes you feel naked, remember that God hasn't called you that and that he will take care of your needs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)