I'm a big dreamer, and I always have been. I remember in kindergarten, I wanted to be a farmer's wife so I could collect eggs, milk cows, and ride horses all day long. I planned on having many children so I could send them out to work the fields with their father. Fairly soon after that, I changed my mind and decided to be a ballerina teacher artist. Obviously, I changed my mind about that as well. As a general rule, I get attached to my dreams for a while, then eventually move on to something bigger and better. But the one dream I've always had, the one dream I cherish more than any other, is that of being a wife and mother. I dream of my husband, what he'll be like, and how much we'll love each other. Of all the things I've had to put in God's hands, that dream is by far the hardest.
God and I were talking about my dream of getting married and he asked me a question that completely shocked me. He asked me if I would ever cheat on my husband. I was appalled at the thought, and I couldn't believe that God would even ask me that! God! The one who knows my heart even better than I do! I told God that no, I NEVER would. When I get married, I plan to cherish my husband. I will rub his head when it hurts and fix his dinner and make him feel like the greatest man on Earth. I'll speak life and truth to him... CHEAT on him?! I was confused and almost angry that God could even suggest such a thing. I sobered up pretty quickly, though, when God asked me quietly how I could cheat on Him. Oh. God loves me more than anyone. He loves me even more than my future husband will, and I should certainly love him more than any human! I mean, Christ died for me. He gave me eternal life and every blessing I've ever had. How can I expect to love and honor my imperfect, human husband when I can't dedicate myself to the one who is perfect and loves me with a perfect love? I do cheat on God. I'm perfectly willing to shove my time with him aside if something else needs doing. I pine after this and that and don't focus on the completion I have in him. God is my everything, but I keep seeking more.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Let Go!
Quick note regarding identity. I was watching Dumbo with some kids today, and I was really struck by one particular quote. The elephants were gossiping about Dumbo and how humiliated they were that he had become a clown. They haughtily announced that "From now on, he is no longer an elephant." I was stunned at the sheer stupidity of that statement. What?! How could they just sort of decide that Dumbo was no longer an elephant? He is an elephant. He just is! You can't will him to be something else. It occurred to me that we let people redefine us in ways that just don't make sense. You're a loser. You're uncool. You're incompetent. Whatever it is that people say about us, that's just silliness! They can't define us! Only God can do that, and he's already given us a pretty stellar definition. I mean, literally. He tells us we can (and should) shine like stars.
Anyway, what I wanted to blog about today was forgiveness. Ugh. That's one that I struggle with on a pretty regular basis. To be completely transparent for a sec, I know that one of my big issues with forgiveness is that I tend to struggle with insecurity. The grudges I hold onto most tightly are those that somehow make me feel less than. Like if someone rejects me, or belittles me. I know that the Bible makes it clear that unforgiveness is wrong, but I have such a hard time letting go.
God's been speaking to me a lot about unforgiveness over the years, and he's slowly revealing to me that I'm not the judge. There was a season where that made me really angry. In my frustration, I imagined the crime scene. I was so angry that I was crying as I tried to show God... "Look! Look! There's my blood! I was hurt... I was so hurt, and I'm still scarred. I may never recover. I demand justice! A life for a life, Lord. Mine's been ruined, the evidence is before you, and you just ignore it!" God, in his wisdom and love, pointed to the crime scene in my mind and told me to look again. As I looked, he opened my eyes and I saw that it wasn't my blood after all. It was Jesus's blood all over that place. It was Jesus who was wounded, not me, not really. The people who hurt me were really hurting Jesus. After all, "whatever you did for the least of these... you did for me" (Matt 25:40). And I've hurt Jesus, too.
I've tried to use Jesus as my example. He didn't wait until it stopped hurting to forgive those who hurt him. While he was still on the cross, he asked God to forgive us. God's been telling me to pray for those who have hurt me. It's so funny... I often go to God and really doubt the power of prayer, but as soon as I open my mouth to bless those who've hurt me, I find myself snapping it shut. Apparently, there's a part of me that whole-heartedly believes in the power of prayer. After all, if it were just words, why would it be so hard to pray blessings on my enemies? I find myself afraid that God really will honor my request that he forgive them for what they've done. God spoke to me so clearly this morning about that. He told me that vengence is his, and that he will in love and justice administer whatever punishment is deemed necessary by his perfect measurement. He's already decided what will be done. He told me that when I pray, I'm not changing his heart. I'm changing mine.
Can you imagine what it would be like if we, as a body, stopped allowing anything at all to get in the way of the unity that Christ so desperately wanted us to have? He wanted us to be one as he and his Father are one. What if we all decided to release and throw down before the cross the evidence of the crimes committed against us and let God be the judge?
Anyway, what I wanted to blog about today was forgiveness. Ugh. That's one that I struggle with on a pretty regular basis. To be completely transparent for a sec, I know that one of my big issues with forgiveness is that I tend to struggle with insecurity. The grudges I hold onto most tightly are those that somehow make me feel less than. Like if someone rejects me, or belittles me. I know that the Bible makes it clear that unforgiveness is wrong, but I have such a hard time letting go.
God's been speaking to me a lot about unforgiveness over the years, and he's slowly revealing to me that I'm not the judge. There was a season where that made me really angry. In my frustration, I imagined the crime scene. I was so angry that I was crying as I tried to show God... "Look! Look! There's my blood! I was hurt... I was so hurt, and I'm still scarred. I may never recover. I demand justice! A life for a life, Lord. Mine's been ruined, the evidence is before you, and you just ignore it!" God, in his wisdom and love, pointed to the crime scene in my mind and told me to look again. As I looked, he opened my eyes and I saw that it wasn't my blood after all. It was Jesus's blood all over that place. It was Jesus who was wounded, not me, not really. The people who hurt me were really hurting Jesus. After all, "whatever you did for the least of these... you did for me" (Matt 25:40). And I've hurt Jesus, too.
I've tried to use Jesus as my example. He didn't wait until it stopped hurting to forgive those who hurt him. While he was still on the cross, he asked God to forgive us. God's been telling me to pray for those who have hurt me. It's so funny... I often go to God and really doubt the power of prayer, but as soon as I open my mouth to bless those who've hurt me, I find myself snapping it shut. Apparently, there's a part of me that whole-heartedly believes in the power of prayer. After all, if it were just words, why would it be so hard to pray blessings on my enemies? I find myself afraid that God really will honor my request that he forgive them for what they've done. God spoke to me so clearly this morning about that. He told me that vengence is his, and that he will in love and justice administer whatever punishment is deemed necessary by his perfect measurement. He's already decided what will be done. He told me that when I pray, I'm not changing his heart. I'm changing mine.
Can you imagine what it would be like if we, as a body, stopped allowing anything at all to get in the way of the unity that Christ so desperately wanted us to have? He wanted us to be one as he and his Father are one. What if we all decided to release and throw down before the cross the evidence of the crimes committed against us and let God be the judge?
Thursday, July 8, 2010
What's in a Name?
Babysitting is one of my favorite things to do. I love how genuine kids are. They aren't big on false compliments, but they love so easily. I love all the hugs and the various pronunciations of my name (Sheshka, Dekka, Sessica...). They're just so cute and so funny! It's true that kids say the darndest things. A few weeks ago, one four year old buddy of mine asked me who he was. I said his name. He said no. I then said something along the lines of, "You are a man of God with great potential. You are a sweet and wonderful little boy." He smiled and shook his head. Knowing him as I do, I soon correctly guessed that he was pretending to be Alex the lion.
What this little boy couldn't grasp at four years of age was that my statement about him was more true than his notion that he was Alex the lion. He also couldn't understand how much greater what I said was than what he said about himself. How often do we do that with what God speaks over us? God speaks truth and life. He calls us the apple of his eye (Deut. 32:10, Psalm 17:8, Zech. 2:8). He says that we are his beloved (Jer. 11:15, Col. 3:12). He calls us his friends (John 15:15) and brothers (Heb. 2:11). He says that we have a future (Jer. 29:11) and a purpose (Rom. 12:4-8, 1 Cor. 12, Eph. 2:10, 2 Cor. 5:5) and that he chose us (1 Thess. 1:4). What in the world are we thinking to throw away the awesome truth that God speaks over us in favor of inferior lies??? When you say that you're not good enough in whatever way... looks, talent, personality... you're ignoring what God says about you. He made you exactly as you are for a purpose! And how about your reaction to compliments? (Yeah, I got myself with that one, too.) Do you belittle what others say about you because you think you're not as good as they say? Moderation is key. Obviously you don't need to get an over-inflated ego either. Paul has some great advice. "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but think of yourself with sober judgment..." (Rom. 12:3:b).
What this little boy couldn't grasp at four years of age was that my statement about him was more true than his notion that he was Alex the lion. He also couldn't understand how much greater what I said was than what he said about himself. How often do we do that with what God speaks over us? God speaks truth and life. He calls us the apple of his eye (Deut. 32:10, Psalm 17:8, Zech. 2:8). He says that we are his beloved (Jer. 11:15, Col. 3:12). He calls us his friends (John 15:15) and brothers (Heb. 2:11). He says that we have a future (Jer. 29:11) and a purpose (Rom. 12:4-8, 1 Cor. 12, Eph. 2:10, 2 Cor. 5:5) and that he chose us (1 Thess. 1:4). What in the world are we thinking to throw away the awesome truth that God speaks over us in favor of inferior lies??? When you say that you're not good enough in whatever way... looks, talent, personality... you're ignoring what God says about you. He made you exactly as you are for a purpose! And how about your reaction to compliments? (Yeah, I got myself with that one, too.) Do you belittle what others say about you because you think you're not as good as they say? Moderation is key. Obviously you don't need to get an over-inflated ego either. Paul has some great advice. "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but think of yourself with sober judgment..." (Rom. 12:3:b).
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Let's See Your War Face
On a literal level, I am NOT a runner. I desperately wish I were. I think that jogging is so cool. I see people do it, and they move so fluidly, so naturally, carried along by the strength of their bodies, and I so want to be that person! But from what people have told me and from what I've seen of my reflection in glass or shadows, I look nothing like that. My limbs don't seem to move together. I start wheezing, and by the end of it, I feel like puking. It's just not fun. Figuratively, however, I absolutely love running! Whether it be a bad hair day, an outbreak of acne, yet another time I've said something that made me look like an idiot, or maybe even just feeling like I don't belong for whatever reason, pretty much anything can make me want to run. Suddenly my prayers of "here I am, Lord, send me" become much more genuine! I'm suddenly struck with a godly passion for reaching the world... any part but this one... for the Lord. Or perhaps I'm just suddenly overcome with the wanderlust that has become so typical of our generation. Either way, I convince myself that it's time to move on. Move on to another group of friends, another church, another town, another nation, even. I don't care, just get me out of here!
Despite my natural tendency toward the 'flight' part of the natural fight or flight reaction to conflict, I've realized that I've not been taking on the Lord's perspective. Just as my physical body was apparently not designed for running, neither is my spirit. When I face a battle of any kind, I'm meant to be a warrior! Never a wimp. God was really speaking to me through Exodus 13:17-18. He deliberately steered the Israelites away from a battle that he knew would be bad for their morale. God never sets us up for failure. If we're facing a battle, we can be sure that God believes it to be a worthwhile experience and one that can bring us character! The only battles the Israelites ever lost were those that they took on without God's say-so and those that God used deliberately to humble the Israelites and bring them back to him. Go through the Bible and look up verses on overcoming and battles and you'll see verse after verse about how life is a battlefield but the victory is ours. Yeah, there will be battles. In fact, I'll be shocked if you tell me that you're not struggling with something right now. Fighting sin is a constant struggle! Fighting to walk in total obedience is tough, and that will never go away.
Fortunately for us, there's some great news that might just blow your mind. Peace and war are not polar opposites! They're not like black and white; they're like bread and butter, actually. They belong together. Like I said, war is inevitable this side of Heaven. You will struggle. You will have to sleep, eat, shower, and live all the times in between in your armor, because the battle will seek you out. However, God's peace can also be an always kind of thing. If peace in your life is only for after the battle is over, you are in serious trouble. Bear with me for a sec. The Bible shows us that God is (among other things) Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Mighty God, and Prince of Peace. Think about what that means! Wonderful Counselor-- God knows what we need. Mighty God-- God is able to give us what we need. Everlasting Father-- God wants to give us what we need. Prince of Peace-- God's best for us involves his peace.
Okay, so we've established that God knows that we need peace and is willing and able to give it to us. God's peace is a big deal biblically. 247 verses in the NIV deal with peace (check out http://biblegateway.com/). Read Isaiah 26:3, Isaiah 32:17, Isaiah 54:10, John 14:27, John 16:33, and Rom. 15:13. These verses as I understand them refer specifically to mental/spiritual peace rather than living at peace with those around you, which, btw, the Bible repeatedly commands. The gist of what they say (in case you don't have time to read them) is that God's peace is not a "sometimes food" for the soul. We can always live in God's peace, even as the battle is raging around us and even in us. In the words of Paul "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." (2 Thess. 3:16)
Despite my natural tendency toward the 'flight' part of the natural fight or flight reaction to conflict, I've realized that I've not been taking on the Lord's perspective. Just as my physical body was apparently not designed for running, neither is my spirit. When I face a battle of any kind, I'm meant to be a warrior! Never a wimp. God was really speaking to me through Exodus 13:17-18. He deliberately steered the Israelites away from a battle that he knew would be bad for their morale. God never sets us up for failure. If we're facing a battle, we can be sure that God believes it to be a worthwhile experience and one that can bring us character! The only battles the Israelites ever lost were those that they took on without God's say-so and those that God used deliberately to humble the Israelites and bring them back to him. Go through the Bible and look up verses on overcoming and battles and you'll see verse after verse about how life is a battlefield but the victory is ours. Yeah, there will be battles. In fact, I'll be shocked if you tell me that you're not struggling with something right now. Fighting sin is a constant struggle! Fighting to walk in total obedience is tough, and that will never go away.
Fortunately for us, there's some great news that might just blow your mind. Peace and war are not polar opposites! They're not like black and white; they're like bread and butter, actually. They belong together. Like I said, war is inevitable this side of Heaven. You will struggle. You will have to sleep, eat, shower, and live all the times in between in your armor, because the battle will seek you out. However, God's peace can also be an always kind of thing. If peace in your life is only for after the battle is over, you are in serious trouble. Bear with me for a sec. The Bible shows us that God is (among other things) Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Mighty God, and Prince of Peace. Think about what that means! Wonderful Counselor-- God knows what we need. Mighty God-- God is able to give us what we need. Everlasting Father-- God wants to give us what we need. Prince of Peace-- God's best for us involves his peace.
Okay, so we've established that God knows that we need peace and is willing and able to give it to us. God's peace is a big deal biblically. 247 verses in the NIV deal with peace (check out http://biblegateway.com/). Read Isaiah 26:3, Isaiah 32:17, Isaiah 54:10, John 14:27, John 16:33, and Rom. 15:13. These verses as I understand them refer specifically to mental/spiritual peace rather than living at peace with those around you, which, btw, the Bible repeatedly commands. The gist of what they say (in case you don't have time to read them) is that God's peace is not a "sometimes food" for the soul. We can always live in God's peace, even as the battle is raging around us and even in us. In the words of Paul "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." (2 Thess. 3:16)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Some 'Splainin'
If you know me at all you already know this. If not, you will now... I stinkin' love connections. I'm fairly convinced that all things connect in some way to all other things. If you know the book Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti, then let me just say that I'm the epitome of spaghetti in my thinking. You can ask me about my day and I'll tell you about my day, which reminds me of some day I had several years ago, which reminds me of something else that happened several years ago... I'm working on cutting my noodles up into manageable bites. Anyway, you have now been forewarned.
My love of connections leads me to find significance in an awful lot of things that may seem pointless. For example, the ladder that I chose as my background for this blog makes me think of going higher in the Lord. If you think about it, it's much safer at the bottom. The higher up you get, the more unsteady the ladder is. When you stand on the top step, it's super dangerous, which is why the little diagram thing makes it clear that you're not supposed to. It's dangerous because you could fall. Well, as I said in my first blog, God is calling me to start doing things that I can't do without him. So spiritually, I'm headed for the very top, and I know for sure that if I fall, God is going to be right there to catch me.
While I'm explaining my blog, I'd like to explain what I want to come out of it. 1) I'd like to be organized in my thinking. Writing to learn is something I hugely believe in as a future English teacher, and I know that writing helps me put my thoughts together and can inspire more in-depth thinking about what God's been saying. It's great reinforcement. 2) I kind of feel like I'm supposed to. I don't know why, but God and I have been chatting about how the why is his business and obedience is mine. He was very nice about it, but I get the point. 3) To encourage. God has so much to say to each one of us and he's made us to fit together like puzzle pieces. As I share with you and you share with me and with others, we start to get a better understanding of God and what he's saying.
Here's what I don't want. Don't be like me where you think if you don't read every single blog entry, you have somehow left something unfinished. Get whatever you can out of whatever entry you read and then go off and hang out with Jesus or whatever else you're up to. I get all OCD about following blogs where I feel like I have to read EVERY one and if I don't then something AWFUL will happen and it never fails that I suddenly have a ton to read and no time and it's just kind of awful. So don't do that.
My love of connections leads me to find significance in an awful lot of things that may seem pointless. For example, the ladder that I chose as my background for this blog makes me think of going higher in the Lord. If you think about it, it's much safer at the bottom. The higher up you get, the more unsteady the ladder is. When you stand on the top step, it's super dangerous, which is why the little diagram thing makes it clear that you're not supposed to. It's dangerous because you could fall. Well, as I said in my first blog, God is calling me to start doing things that I can't do without him. So spiritually, I'm headed for the very top, and I know for sure that if I fall, God is going to be right there to catch me.
While I'm explaining my blog, I'd like to explain what I want to come out of it. 1) I'd like to be organized in my thinking. Writing to learn is something I hugely believe in as a future English teacher, and I know that writing helps me put my thoughts together and can inspire more in-depth thinking about what God's been saying. It's great reinforcement. 2) I kind of feel like I'm supposed to. I don't know why, but God and I have been chatting about how the why is his business and obedience is mine. He was very nice about it, but I get the point. 3) To encourage. God has so much to say to each one of us and he's made us to fit together like puzzle pieces. As I share with you and you share with me and with others, we start to get a better understanding of God and what he's saying.
Here's what I don't want. Don't be like me where you think if you don't read every single blog entry, you have somehow left something unfinished. Get whatever you can out of whatever entry you read and then go off and hang out with Jesus or whatever else you're up to. I get all OCD about following blogs where I feel like I have to read EVERY one and if I don't then something AWFUL will happen and it never fails that I suddenly have a ton to read and no time and it's just kind of awful. So don't do that.
Keep Walking
This morning I was thinking about some of the junk I've been struggling with and how excited I am that I can more or less view it in a detached kind of way. I've been combatting my ungodly feelings with prayer and praise and humbling myself before the Lord. I'm trying to submit my life to him, and I feel like God has honored my efforts by keeping at bay the general nastiness of my emotional responses to tough situations.
As I was thinking about things, I had this picture of my sin as being like the wall of water God made from the Jordan. If you've seen The Prince of Egypt, you'll have a picture of what I'm talking about. I was picturing the Israelites walking across the Jordan. I know that they walked across on dry land and that the Lord parted the waters for them, creating a wall of water (Exodus 14:21-22). For God, it would have been just as easy to create a dam upstream to hold the water back, or perhaps just make some kind of funnel to suck all the water out. But the Israelites had to walk through the river while watching this wall of water looming over their heads. This morning I was really feeling like my feelings of bitterness, anger, frustration, distrust, sadness, worry, and who knows what all were all stacked up right next to me. I could almost see God holding them at bay. I'm not overwhelmed by any of it, but I can see it right there, so close, threatening. God just reminded me that I need to keep on moving and not be frozen with fear. After all, the Israelites had to keep on walking. They couldn't just camp out by the wall of water. But at the same time, God protected them and made sure they got to the other side safely.
I kind of think that if the Israelites had seen the Jordan all dry without the wall of water, they would have been able to explain it away without God. Maybe some unknown tribe had built a dam. Maybe it had been a particularly dry few years, and the Jordan was just out of water. It was much scarier to have to pass by that wall of water, in part because it meant confronting the knowledge that God was directly involved, and they had absolutely no control. I've found that the more scared I am, the more I have got to trust God. It's not fun to feel out of control and frightened, but I know for certain that I'm going to reach the other side of my Jordan with a stronger reliance on God and a newfound ability to trust him. All I have to do is keep on moving in faith.
As I was thinking about things, I had this picture of my sin as being like the wall of water God made from the Jordan. If you've seen The Prince of Egypt, you'll have a picture of what I'm talking about. I was picturing the Israelites walking across the Jordan. I know that they walked across on dry land and that the Lord parted the waters for them, creating a wall of water (Exodus 14:21-22). For God, it would have been just as easy to create a dam upstream to hold the water back, or perhaps just make some kind of funnel to suck all the water out. But the Israelites had to walk through the river while watching this wall of water looming over their heads. This morning I was really feeling like my feelings of bitterness, anger, frustration, distrust, sadness, worry, and who knows what all were all stacked up right next to me. I could almost see God holding them at bay. I'm not overwhelmed by any of it, but I can see it right there, so close, threatening. God just reminded me that I need to keep on moving and not be frozen with fear. After all, the Israelites had to keep on walking. They couldn't just camp out by the wall of water. But at the same time, God protected them and made sure they got to the other side safely.
I kind of think that if the Israelites had seen the Jordan all dry without the wall of water, they would have been able to explain it away without God. Maybe some unknown tribe had built a dam. Maybe it had been a particularly dry few years, and the Jordan was just out of water. It was much scarier to have to pass by that wall of water, in part because it meant confronting the knowledge that God was directly involved, and they had absolutely no control. I've found that the more scared I am, the more I have got to trust God. It's not fun to feel out of control and frightened, but I know for certain that I'm going to reach the other side of my Jordan with a stronger reliance on God and a newfound ability to trust him. All I have to do is keep on moving in faith.
He's So Good to Me
God is good (All the time)! All the time (God is good)! Such a sweet call and response! Every time I say it, I feel all churchy and hip in a Jesus kind of way. Like I'm a part of something bigger than myself, like I belong. But I've been doing Beth Moore's Bible Study 'Stepping Up' recently, and she's reminded me that we say (and sing) a lot of things without really thinking about them. So think about that lovely call and response that we often say so flippantly. Either you believe it or not. Is God really good ALL the time?
A few weeks ago my youth pastor was preaching a great word when he suddenly stopped and said my name. Jessica. I jerked my head up and listened as he told me that I'd been dreaming too small, that I'd been expecting too little. He said that I was a planner and that I needed to stop planning things that I could do on my own. Weeping, I tried to write down all he was saying. He stood on a chair and asked if I was hearing him. I was listening, all right... God had my undivided attention. What my pastor didn't know at the time was that I'd started believing that nothing in my life was going to work out. I'd begun making detailed back-up plans for all my life-long dreams, and back-ups for those back-ups. That very morning I had calculated to the $/hour what I would need to make it from month to month, since I was pretty sure I'd never get a job in my chosen field. Strangely, I didn't realize how miserable I was. I figured that was all good enough for me, and I was fairly content with my lot. Suddenly, with that public word from the Lord (accountability is so good!) that came from a speaker who I trusted much more than myself (after all, it's easy to trick yourself into thinking that your wishful thinking is the voice of the Lord), I found myself seeing the world in a completely different way. It's like seeing "white" socks you've had for a few years, then holding them up to brand-new, for-real-white socks. You don't know how skewed your perspective is till it's corrected.
I've started dreaming bigger. When the creator of the universe hands you a signed blank check, that's a pretty easy task. At first, I was a little scared. What if I dream too big and then I'm disappointed? But I know I have to trust God. I remember my 21st birthday and the phone call my parents made to me that day. I was in England, and my parents had already come to visit me, and had already given me my birthday presents. I think I got a couple of DVDs. Anyway, they called me and asked me what I wanted more than anything in the world. I laughed it off and said that I wanted a pony. When they told me that I was getting a car for my birthday, I was completely floored. A CAR?! (Insert long moments of flipping outness here.)
What if the scene had played out differently? What if I'd said that I wanted a car more than anything and they had responded "oh, that's nice! I hope you get one someday. We just wanted to let you know that we're buying you a new shirt. Won't that be nice?" No loving parent would do that, build up the mood and then drop you off a cliff. Well, God describes himself as my father. He would never tell me to dream big so that I can live small. He's telling me to dream big because he has a big life planned for me. I wake up every day now and go to sleep every night excited about my life and my future. I have never felt that way. Ever. I'm not saying that I'm having a super-happy smiley life's all peachy kind of summer. Uh, no. But even when my circumstances are the pits, it's just a pit stop on the way to an incredible destiny that's already laid out for me.
Here's the seriously awesome part. I needed to hear about God's big plans for me in the way that I did for a lot of different reasons. But your not hearing it the way I did does not negate the fact that God's word to me is a word for everyone who loves him! He has big plans for all of us, and we need to start believing that our lives have purpose, that every day is another step toward a better understanding of our destinies in Christ. God has so much in mind for you! He's not a dream-killer... he's a dream-maker and a dream-fulfiller. I mean, he's like the perfect gardener. Would you call a really skilled gardener a plant-killer or a plant-grower? Duh, we'd say a plant-grower. But don't gardeners have to weed? Don't they have to kill some plants and trim some back to mold the garden into their vision?
A few weeks ago my youth pastor was preaching a great word when he suddenly stopped and said my name. Jessica. I jerked my head up and listened as he told me that I'd been dreaming too small, that I'd been expecting too little. He said that I was a planner and that I needed to stop planning things that I could do on my own. Weeping, I tried to write down all he was saying. He stood on a chair and asked if I was hearing him. I was listening, all right... God had my undivided attention. What my pastor didn't know at the time was that I'd started believing that nothing in my life was going to work out. I'd begun making detailed back-up plans for all my life-long dreams, and back-ups for those back-ups. That very morning I had calculated to the $/hour what I would need to make it from month to month, since I was pretty sure I'd never get a job in my chosen field. Strangely, I didn't realize how miserable I was. I figured that was all good enough for me, and I was fairly content with my lot. Suddenly, with that public word from the Lord (accountability is so good!) that came from a speaker who I trusted much more than myself (after all, it's easy to trick yourself into thinking that your wishful thinking is the voice of the Lord), I found myself seeing the world in a completely different way. It's like seeing "white" socks you've had for a few years, then holding them up to brand-new, for-real-white socks. You don't know how skewed your perspective is till it's corrected.
I've started dreaming bigger. When the creator of the universe hands you a signed blank check, that's a pretty easy task. At first, I was a little scared. What if I dream too big and then I'm disappointed? But I know I have to trust God. I remember my 21st birthday and the phone call my parents made to me that day. I was in England, and my parents had already come to visit me, and had already given me my birthday presents. I think I got a couple of DVDs. Anyway, they called me and asked me what I wanted more than anything in the world. I laughed it off and said that I wanted a pony. When they told me that I was getting a car for my birthday, I was completely floored. A CAR?! (Insert long moments of flipping outness here.)
What if the scene had played out differently? What if I'd said that I wanted a car more than anything and they had responded "oh, that's nice! I hope you get one someday. We just wanted to let you know that we're buying you a new shirt. Won't that be nice?" No loving parent would do that, build up the mood and then drop you off a cliff. Well, God describes himself as my father. He would never tell me to dream big so that I can live small. He's telling me to dream big because he has a big life planned for me. I wake up every day now and go to sleep every night excited about my life and my future. I have never felt that way. Ever. I'm not saying that I'm having a super-happy smiley life's all peachy kind of summer. Uh, no. But even when my circumstances are the pits, it's just a pit stop on the way to an incredible destiny that's already laid out for me.
Here's the seriously awesome part. I needed to hear about God's big plans for me in the way that I did for a lot of different reasons. But your not hearing it the way I did does not negate the fact that God's word to me is a word for everyone who loves him! He has big plans for all of us, and we need to start believing that our lives have purpose, that every day is another step toward a better understanding of our destinies in Christ. God has so much in mind for you! He's not a dream-killer... he's a dream-maker and a dream-fulfiller. I mean, he's like the perfect gardener. Would you call a really skilled gardener a plant-killer or a plant-grower? Duh, we'd say a plant-grower. But don't gardeners have to weed? Don't they have to kill some plants and trim some back to mold the garden into their vision?
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